Without a doubt, divorce makes you feel uncertain. You don’t want to change everything in your life because you spent so many years to building it.
This change makes you feel worry about the future. You are in a place of not really knowing if you are strong enough to go through this experience. Indeed you are. And you will discover your power along the way.
Like anything, you must crawl before you walk, and walk before you run. That is the journey.
Part of the process of the divorce or break-up, leads us first to a place of being in shock, and in a place of denial. We strongly resist the circumstances of our lives. And the more we resist, the more the pain grows, the more we feel hurt, sad, and lonely, like a never-ending process. We very quickly feel completely overwhelmed by our emotions. Everything is amplified.
Believe it or not: You are exactly where you are supposed to be.
This is hard to imagine at the beginning, and you may be tempted to think, “If life were fair and if I was indeed worthy of love, how can I possibly begin to believe I am sentenced to feel this level of pain, for a reason!!?”
I was there too. Exactly in your shoes. Let’s stretch your mind and let me give you another idea. How about a new perspective that I discovered for myself.
So chances are , everything until now has lead you to this moment in your life where everything is falling apart, and you just can’t take it anymore. Please know that this is the exact place where you have no other choice but to trust life and to trust that there is something better. In this state, and as quickly as possible, you will want to choose to surrender yourself.
When I first heard this English word “Surrender”, I felt relief without even knowing exactly what it meant at that time.
Though a great amount of consideration of this word and its concept I had the sudden overwhelming understanding that I had been in resistance about everything in the past so far in my life, and was trying to force things to happen even though I realized I had no real control of anything.
So I hit the ground on my knees, and having given up control entirely, I was asking for help, praying to The Universe (you can call it Love, Intuition, God, Nature or anything else that feels right for you): “Please help me to find courage, strength, and hope!”
One thing I knew so clearly at this point; I wasn’t sure anymore about anything in life.
That was the beginning of my surrendering process.
Lost and humble I started to breathe with intent and listen to meditations for 20 minutes every morning and every night, to get myself in a place of calmness and surrender, and connectedness believing that there was a higher power that would help me soon. It was a great way to take care of myself, and to be in action.
That was one of the greatest blessings I experienced, and one of the most powerful catalysts I have ever felt in the journey of healing and becoming strong again.
Surrendering made me feel immediate relief. I could focus on getting better and not blaming myself anymore.
As an added miracle to this process of Surrendering, I started to attract things that would made me feel better, such as: the right book to read, connecting with someone on social media that would share just exactly the right words or sentiment I needed to hear, or discovering an inspirational movie, or meeting someone who really touched and inspired me. In the decision to surrender it truly felt like the Universe was guiding me to the right places, the right moment, and so on.
I learnt that Miracles happen when we shift our perspective. In fact, a miracle is just a change in perspective. What a great concept to integrate. It has been a constant reminder for my life.
I believe the process of surrendering cannot be taught, you can only experience it by putting your faith in a higher power, whatever is you think the Higher power is, based on in regards to your personal belief or faith. Call it Your Inner Intuition, God, The Universe, Spiritual Energy, Love, Gaia, Nature, humanity, etc. Whatever concept fits for you. And then you will feel the shift, the connection, and the guidance you are looking for will come.
This concept is a very real and very powerful one and can also work for you to bring about transformation and change. Though do be sure not to have any expectations on how the guidance and transformation will show up. Our experience is unique.
I like to think that the experience we most need will show up in the perfect way and in our best interest for healing.
Surrendering is giving up on your former belief system, giving up on any negative thoughts, giving up on how everything you think should be, giving up on you trying to control, and giving up on what you think is impossible. It is giving up on you being right or wrong, is giving up on your deepest fears.
Surrendering is also giving up on any meaning you intend to create about your life’s experience.
Surrendering is one of the most powerful gifts you can offer yourself.
Go ahead and find your own experience of surrendering.
Take a few moments to integrate that concept.
What would your life be about if you stopped trying to control everything?
What would your life be like if you knew that everything happens for your own best interest?
What do you need right now to feel relief?
What other thoughts would support the idea of you surrendering?
Those questions are seeds you plant in your subconscious. Whether you find the answers or not, it doesn’t really matter. What matters the most is to change the dialog you are having with yourself.
You will find your own powerful questions, and your own powerful answers in the right timing.
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Transformational Relationship & Divorce Coaching.