 When was the last time you have been honest with yourself? Truly honest.
As we live our lives, we are constantly making choices based on how we feel. Some of these choices are courageous and come from a place of love, some of these choices come from a place of fear, and don’t reflect who we really are. When we make choices from a place of fear, or “I am afraid of”, our mind has a way to find so many excuses to justify our behaviours. We create these little stories in our head that will validate our choices. And we can go on and on until we are really stuck in situations we never really wanted in the first place or stuck in an emotional challenge that can prevent us to move forward. Then we are forced to self reflect on our choices and why we created situations that don’t feel aligned with our essence, our truth. We may be confused, and frustrated but deep down we know that is preventing us to be greater than who we are. We are afraid of our light, and magnificence. Who am I to really think that I can be better than this? Am I allowed to think that way? Is there anyone who can validate my choice according to my highest good? If you pause a minute here, you can see that those thoughts are keeping us small. We will probably end up recreating the same experience over and over again. What if we can operate from a different place or different programming than the one which is limiting us? Is there a magic formula, or a potion that will help us to be unstoppable? There is one magic formula: It’s you. It’s you being honest with yourself. It’s you being aware of all the limiting beliefs that you have accumulated along the years. In order to start creating more honesty and to face what we fear, what makes us uncomfortable, what make us feel hurt, you can start by asking yourself: What am I afraid of? I am sure we can all make a long list here. And, next time you will have an emotional response, ask yourself: What am I afraid of? Ex: I am afraid of being rejected, I am afraid people will see who I really am, I am afraid to feel weak, I am afraid about my feelings, I am afraid of trusting people….. ( add yours to this list). Depending on where you are in your human growth, It will require some courage and bravery. It will require compassion towards yourself. It will create more discomfort than you expect. Actually the more discomfort you feel, the more space you create for transformation. The transformation comes from who you become being courageous and honest with yourself. It comes from the realization of your limiting beliefs. It comes from the resources you can start to tap in to transcend yourself. I’ll be honest with you, I have done a lot of self-development work, a lot of healing, and a lot of growth, and I can still find myself hiding being honest, or not confronting myself with my fears. This is probably why I felt drawn to write about the topic. I can recognize that each time I have been in vulnerable places or situations, the transformation was there too. I can recognize that it never ends, that this is a lifetime practice. Being honest with yourself is also being able to allow yourself to go with your own timing or own agenda. I don’t believe we can be raw, wild and vulnerable all the time. At least this is my experience. It comes as waves of transformation, growth, and healing. And when you feel the waves coming in, that’s the time to be really honest with yourself and to give yourself a push up towards more light, truth, and light. There is one thing that has helped me in the past until now. When I feel these waves coming, I don’t resist anymore, I allow a space to feel and heal. I talk less, I really dive into feelings. I reflect. Then I remind myself that I always have a choice: 1/Opening and expanding my heart or 2/Closing my heart. I believe that life is about expanding our heart, opening up to love more and more without any fears. Being honest with yourself is to start recognizing that we can open or close our heart. That we can live towards the light or stay in our limitations. That we can be courageous or fearful. That we have a choice in every situation. Being honest is making progress even if they are small. Being honest is always doing our best to live our life according to what really matters the most for us. My invitation to you is to answer these questions : -What really matters for you? -What’s the one thing you want to accomplish in your life that would really be a heart opening experience? -What would you want to be appreciated for? Then how can you honor and honest to your answers in your life?
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 Is everything looks like what they really seem to be?
I learned that in Relationships, there are many layers for the reason we behave with others. I use to argue a lot with my first wife, not really understanding how to stop it. Sadly, it became the only for us to connect. WHAT"S REALLY BEHIND ANY FIGHTS AND ARGUES? It's probably not what you have in mind. It has almost nothing to do with the things you are arguing about. Fighting is about a lack of affection, respect, love, power, care, or a combination of those. DO YOU WANT TO STOP FIGHTING? When we fight, we believe a story that we made up about a situation, and we believe it's the truth. ex: Because If I feel you don't care about me, it must be true. if it's not true, what am I am being left with? I need to feel sane, so I fight and try to be right. There are few things to understand: -When we fight everyone wants to feel that they matter. That the other person will respect what you are going through. -We want to be able to share how we feel and why, whether it's justified or not. - We want to feel acknowledged, and feel that the other person has the ability to validate our feelings and appreciate our own experiences. There is an opportunity to reflect it. What if you create space in the conversation that everyone feels heard, and not blamed? Wouldn't it be great? The first thing to do is to shift your perspective from reacting to reflecting. The only way I know is to be able to share your experience instead of blaming. Ex: When you do ... , here is how I feel. It has nothing to do with you. It's just my experience. This is how I feel, and I take responsibility for how I feel. The other person just has to listen and acknowledge you. There is nothing to agree with or to fix. Once your experiences are acknowledged you feel sane, and validated. Suddenly, there is no need to react, but to reflect and to be able to bring compassion for the other. This is an opportunity to stop reacting, and start reflecting. Both you and your partner have to acknowledge that this is a process that will facilitate a conversation instead of going to the daily routine of blaming the other. Like every process, it has to be practiced over and over again until it becomes natural. The minute you will stop practicing, you will go back to your old habits. Are you committed to stop fighting? As a reminder, no one likes to be judged or attacked. By sharing your experience there is no place for judgments anymore. You both take responsibility for your own experience and just have to be there to support each other. The second step would be to add some request to your partner in order for him or her to support you. Knowing that a request is not mandatory. You have to let your partner free to accept or not to access your request. When you make a request, if the request is not accepted, you have the capacity of letting go and find peace. ex: I would really appreciate if you can tell me when you are not able to commit to a task you said you would do it. it would make life easier for me, so than I know what has to be done. ex: I'd like to share what happened for me at work. I need to complain. Please just listen, don't judge or comment. All I need is to get it out of my chest. Thank you. In case your partner refuses to accept your request, and you feel rejected, frustrated or upset, you fully take responsibility. It's an indication of a hurt or a wound that hasn't been addressed and healed. You are dedicated to do the inner work in order to let it go. As the opposite a requirement is a non-negotiable. Only you know where is your limit between a request and a requirement. When a requirement is not honoured, there are some consequences that can lead to making decisions. A requirement reflects a boundary. This process is life-changing. It opens up a space for understanding, compassion, and appreciation for one another. It creates support and a deeper connection. Do you have a comment, question or an inquiry? What support might you need? I’d love to help you! I get many notes and emails requests and I do read every single email that comes through. To get in touch, please feel free to email me at info@ericbensoussan.ca  What is a Conscious Relationship? A new paradigm for deep connection.
We all have been struggling in Relationships. Who says it was easy? Nobody ever taught us how to be in a healthy relationship. We learn on the go. We all agree that the old paradigm isn’t working anymore. More than 50% of marriages end up in divorces. People are unsatisfied, unfulfilled and don’t know how to make a relationship work. There is a gap between our experience and what could be an ideal relationship. This is a huge opportunity to reflect on our belief system and move towards conscious love. It’s actually a great thing. What exactly is a conscious relationship? It's a romantic relationship in which both partners feel committed to a sense of purpose, and that purpose is growth. Individual growth. Collective growth as a couple. Growth that makes the world a better place. It’s not anymore about one partner to fulfill all our needs and to complete us or to save us. Each partner is consciously responsible for its own happiness, and for its own triggers. We are committed to doing the inner work in order to grow and evolve. Our partner is here to love you and support you no matter what we are going through. The dynamic is totally different as there is no need to blame or judge the other The intention is growth. The relationship strives towards something much greater than immediate gratification. The relationship becomes the journey of expanding your heart, expanding love and connection, and resolving conflicts within yourself. Our partner is part of our team with unconditional support. There is a power of bonding when we witness the evolution of our partner especially when he becomes a better human being. In a conscious relationship Love is not the final destination, it’s the fuel for the journey. Vulnerability and freedom are at the core of the relationship. The path of conscious relationship is a choice Let me share with you a few principles about Conscious Couples: 1. The couple is not attached to any outcome rather than growth It’s a different way of experiencing relationships than what’s written in Fairytales., and it goes against what the society has been sacralized. The conscious couples understand that no one can fulfill all their needs. This has created such a big disconnection in relationships especially when we make it mean that either our partner makes us happy or they are not a good partner, or worse, that there is something wrong with us. It’s just unrealistic. We cannot ask anymore our partner to act a certain way or to be who we want them to be. Otherwise, they repress themselves to please others and they become a shadow of who they are supposed to be. And inevitably the relationship become a trap where we feel small, powerless and confused. The only exit is to break free. Do we still want to cage and trap ourselves anymore? 2. Both partners are responsible and own their wounds. We understand that we all have wounds from our childhood and past experiences. Those wounds will get triggered inevitably. We choose to be responsible for how we feel as we understand that no one else has the power to make us feel anything. If in certain situations, I feel rejected, I assume that the rejection was already there before my partner did anything. I have now an opportunity to create awareness, understand, heal and start to make new choices. If I start to make new choices, I behave differently, then I start to feel different kind of emotions I am used to, and then I create a different experience. Most of us still believe that relationships should only feel great, and when bad feelings surface, we assume that something is wrong. What we fail to see in this situation is that issues are not caused by our partners; they’re caused by our beliefs and past experiences. Everything is based on taking responsibility for how we feel. No blaming and victim role anymore. When you take responsibility for your wounds we can start to heal and dissolve them. Taking responsibility gives us the power to choose our experience, and reflect on what is it that we truly want to experience in our life and relationships Taking responsibility is the key to be in our full personal power. 3. We have permission to feel and internal processes are recommended. We create a space to share our feelings and desires without making it mean anything. We are committed to letting the other person be who they want to be and to have their own experience. We may not understand or not relate and might be triggered but we still acknowledge the experience of our partner. We hear them. We validate their freedom and their uniqueness. We are in total empathy without the need to advice or fix anything. This safe space becomes a space of healing where you can surrender yourself. There are no judgments. Healing is the journey of expanding your heart. The more you heal, the more you can express yourself at a higher level of consciousness with a heart wide open. I also want to emphasize the great respect that we create for each other by holding this space of expression. The respect comes also from the authenticity of what we can share. The only option is radical honesty: revealing parts of ourselves that are hard to share and letting our partners do the same. This leads to feeling known, seen and truly understood — a combination that will automatically enhance your love. Isn’t it what we are all looking for? 4. The relationship is a place to practice love. Love, ultimately, is a practice. A practice of acceptance, being present, forgiveness, and stretching your heart into vulnerable and uncharted territories. Love is sacred, and therefore you have to connect to your own sacredness and the one of your partner. The Relationship becomes sacred. Love is a journey and an exploration of yourself. Love is part of your identity, it’s in your DNA. All we have to do is practice being grounding in love. We don’t let your emotions taking control of your life and your relationship. Whatever we are going through, we are committed to staying in a place of love. You are committed to choosing love over fear, over doubts, over triggers, over pain, and over the hurt. The couple embodies Love as a fuel for their journey. And through their devotion and practice, love shows up in their lives and relationship in ways they would’ve never imagined before. One of the secret to keeping the relationship alive is to value growth more than anything else. We choose to thrive through expansion. It won’t be easy because growth is going to uncharted and uncomfortable territories, but it creates a unique bond and connection that keep the Relationship worth it. It maintains a natural feeling of aliveness, authenticity, freedom and deep love. There are many more principles for Conscious Relationship especially in term of communication. Those 4 ones are just the 4 pillars. Do you have a comment, question or an inquiry? What support might you need? I’d love to help you! I get many notes and emails requests and I do read every single email that comes through. To get in touch, please feel free to email me at info@ericbensoussan.ca |
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