When was the last time you have been honest with yourself? Truly honest.
As we live our lives, we are constantly making choices based on how we feel. Some of these choices are courageous and come from a place of love, some of these choices come from a place of fear, and don’t reflect who we really are. When we make choices from a place of fear, or “I am afraid of”, our mind has a way to find so many excuses to justify our behaviours. We create these little stories in our head that will validate our choices. And we can go on and on until we are really stuck in situations we never really wanted in the first place or stuck in an emotional challenge that can prevent us to move forward. Then we are forced to self reflect on our choices and why we created situations that don’t feel aligned with our essence, our truth. We may be confused, and frustrated but deep down we know that is preventing us to be greater than who we are. We are afraid of our light, and magnificence. Who am I to really think that I can be better than this? Am I allowed to think that way? Is there anyone who can validate my choice according to my highest good? If you pause a minute here, you can see that those thoughts are keeping us small. We will probably end up recreating the same experience over and over again. What if we can operate from a different place or different programming than the one which is limiting us? Is there a magic formula, or a potion that will help us to be unstoppable? There is one magic formula: It’s you. It’s you being honest with yourself. It’s you being aware of all the limiting beliefs that you have accumulated along the years. In order to start creating more honesty and to face what we fear, what makes us uncomfortable, what make us feel hurt, you can start by asking yourself: What am I afraid of? I am sure we can all make a long list here. And, next time you will have an emotional response, ask yourself: What am I afraid of? Ex: I am afraid of being rejected, I am afraid people will see who I really am, I am afraid to feel weak, I am afraid about my feelings, I am afraid of trusting people….. ( add yours to this list). Depending on where you are in your human growth, It will require some courage and bravery. It will require compassion towards yourself. It will create more discomfort than you expect. Actually the more discomfort you feel, the more space you create for transformation. The transformation comes from who you become being courageous and honest with yourself. It comes from the realization of your limiting beliefs. It comes from the resources you can start to tap in to transcend yourself. I’ll be honest with you, I have done a lot of self-development work, a lot of healing, and a lot of growth, and I can still find myself hiding being honest, or not confronting myself with my fears. This is probably why I felt drawn to write about the topic. I can recognize that each time I have been in vulnerable places or situations, the transformation was there too. I can recognize that it never ends, that this is a lifetime practice. Being honest with yourself is also being able to allow yourself to go with your own timing or own agenda. I don’t believe we can be raw, wild and vulnerable all the time. At least this is my experience. It comes as waves of transformation, growth, and healing. And when you feel the waves coming in, that’s the time to be really honest with yourself and to give yourself a push up towards more light, truth, and light. There is one thing that has helped me in the past until now. When I feel these waves coming, I don’t resist anymore, I allow a space to feel and heal. I talk less, I really dive into feelings. I reflect. Then I remind myself that I always have a choice: 1/Opening and expanding my heart or 2/Closing my heart. I believe that life is about expanding our heart, opening up to love more and more without any fears. Being honest with yourself is to start recognizing that we can open or close our heart. That we can live towards the light or stay in our limitations. That we can be courageous or fearful. That we have a choice in every situation. Being honest is making progress even if they are small. Being honest is always doing our best to live our life according to what really matters the most for us. My invitation to you is to answer these questions : -What really matters for you? -What’s the one thing you want to accomplish in your life that would really be a heart opening experience? -What would you want to be appreciated for? Then how can you honor and honest to your answers in your life?
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Forgiveness.
What is forgiveness? How can we possibly forgive what has hurt us in the first place? How can free ourself from hurt, and pain? Forgiveness is a commonly misunderstood concept. Forgiveness is the ultimate act of self-care and self-respect you can have for yourself. What is it exactly? In my opinion, forgiveness is being at peace with yourself and others. Being at peace with your life's circumstances. Being at peace with your life's experiences. FORGIVENESS IS ANOTHER WORD FOR FREEDOM. In order to be forgiving, you need to be in a place of love and compassion. Whatever mistakes or bad choices you did in your life, you did your best. Beating yourself up will not make you feel better. Just let it go, and move on. First because what happened in the past doesn’t exist anymore. The past is done. Your present is far more important, because you need to make choices and move forward. Do you want to make those choices from a place of guilt, regrets, anger or from past traumatic experiences? I am assuming the answer is No. You want to make new choices based on your power, based on your joy, based on what feels right now. There is no place for anything else than love. Fill your body, fill your mind, fill your heart with love and decide to move on. This is a decision to make, and only you can decide when it’s the right timing. You will come to this conclusion eventually no matter what. Start to forgive yourself, embrace and honor your mistakes as insights and as meant to be. Infuse compassion, love, self care, self love and move on. Then it’s easier to forgive others, because you can step into their shoes and feel their hurt. That being said, being forgiving has nothing to do with accepting what happened, and how you have been treated. It has all to do with letting go, and moving on. Guess what, when you let go, you create more space for your life, for your family, your kids, your relationships, for everything that matters in your life. You create new possibilities. Being at peace will come from the experience of letting go, and surrendering. Most of my clients always start by telling me: I am not ready to forgive him or forgive her. They are under the illusion that their anger give them some sort of power. And they imagined a plan for revenge. After few sessions, they start to realize that they need to let go in order to have a great relationship with themselves. So if today, you think you are not ready to forgive, it’s totally fine. Get use to the idea, and maybe start a new inner dialog with yourself. There is always a time when we feel so much stuck in dramas, stories, and pain, that we have no other choice to believe that there must be another way. And the good news is when you will be ready, there will be this new way available for you. Forgiveness starts with yourself. "Healing has its own timing" Do you have a comment, question or an inquiry? What support might you need? I’d love to help you! I get many notes and emails requests and I do read every single email that comes through. To get in touch, please feel free to email me at info@ericbensoussan.ca STOP THE BLAMING PROCESS ! TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE Here we are again, on how the divorce makes us feel bad about everything. On how we become judgemental, and start to blame others about our own insecurities. This is not my fault, he or she did that…...my parents did that, my sister or brother make me feel that way, etc… We always find someone to blame. Does it make you feel good about yourself? Maybe, but this is an illusion. It’s too easy to think that you are not in control, and that there is some other power taking control over you. This is not the case, and deep down you know it. You are under the illusion that everything is separated, that you are separated from others, from yourself. You are under the illusion that it’s you against the world. You are under the illusion that you are not responsible about how your life unfolds. Do you really want to feel sorry about yourself? I am assuming the answer is no. The only reason I know it, it’s because we rather want feel good that feel sorry. Taking responsibility is accepting somehow, that you have your part in what created of your reality, and circumstances. What if you start taking 100% responsibility for your life, and start to create the life you want. Would that make you feel empowered ? You are not separated from anything, you are whole and complete, and perfect as you are. You are born with love and everything you need within yourself. Taking responsibility for your life will connect your power within. Start another dialog with yourself: I am in charge of my life, and I have the power to create anything I want despite my circumstances. So what is it that really want and why ? Who do I want to become? What do I want experience in my life? What do I need now in order to move forward? Reflecting or regaining your power back is far more important that to be annoyed that your ex is late for taking the kids or anything else that could happened (and the list is long , right?) and that you have no control of. So what is your power? What is your spirit? What makes you feel alive? What makes you feel excited for? How do you connect to your intuition? What would make me feel good ? Take some time to write the answers of those questions, and reflect on them and see how you feel about it. This new dialog with yourself is a shift of perspective that will give you more clarity. If you can’t answer right away to these questions, it’s ok. There is no right or wrong answers, only the answers that matters to you, and will support your growth. How would you feel right now if you already know all the answers of all the questions? Then you can take responsibility for your happiness, and for the way you feel. Only you have the power to be happy, to be present, and to create a new experience of your life. The only way to create a new experience, is to change the way you think, the way you behave, the choices you make and the way you feel. Would it be amazing to feel in charge of your life and happiness? Leave all the stories and excuses behind you, and start now to experience of a new way of being yourself. Do you have a comment, question or an inquiry? What support might you need? I’d love to help you! I get many notes and emails requests and I do read every single email that comes through. To get in touch, please feel free to email me at info@ericbensoussan.ca STAY IN PLACE OF LOVE
I would like to share with you a perspective that can shift your life forever. It shifted my life. I know you feel hurt, angry, resentful, betrayed, guilty, and so much more…..the pain is sometimes unbearable. We don’t understand why. We want let it go, but we hang on to it without knowing why, thinking, this is what it should be. We are addicted to our suffering. Let’s go backward, and remind ourselves when we met for the first time, our future partners. How do we felt? What was possible? What is it that we really felt attracted to? How do we fell in love? How do we decided to create a family? This was the time of love. You were in love of the person you probably hate the most today. Did you stop suddenly to love them or did it happen over weeks or years? It doesn’t really matter, the love was there once. Love is a powerful energy, and we don’t stop loving people on clapping our hands. There is actually no separation between the energy of love, and the love that we are. What if you could connect to that place of love and feel compassion for your companion and yourself. What if you could hold this love, embrace it and honor it. What if you could use this love to support your pain. We can’t live our life from a place of fear and anger forever. So what do you choose now? What if you start to believe that anyone involved is hurt even if they are already moving on with their life. Cause the truth is that everyone is hurt. We all did our best. Some of us better than others. Some of us cover the hurt by moving on quickly, some of us will be angry, some us will completely shut down…..Everyone has its own way to process, and there is nothing to judge. Choosing to be in a place of love doesn’t mean you are agree with what happened, or on how you have been treated. But over the circumstances you choose love, cause deep down this is who you are, this what you seek for. If I may share my personal story. My first two divorces, I always felt angry, resentful, wanting to be right, blaming, fighting for everything. Wanting some sort of justice, on how dare you treated me like that? What good did it give me ? Nothing, just more hurt, more pain, more sadness, not only for me but also for everyone involved. I lost time and energy on trying to convince myself I was right. So when everything fell apart unexpectedly the third time, I started to question myself, about this pain and hurt, and made the assumption that finally it had nothing to do with my ex wifes, or my circumstances but that pain and hurt was already there from my early childhood, and my emotional imprints. All was happening was only because the way I felt about myself, only because of the stories I made up about myself and what happened to me. All my triggers in the relationship were only a projection of my own struggles. It was meant to be. I had to go through that in order for me to live what I am supposed to live from a place of love. So what you hate the most in your partner, has something to do with you. Hard to believe, but true. So I decided to change something and to become someone else, and decided no matter what that I will stay in a place of love for my own sake and healing. Love heals everything and everyone. This is the greatest blessings of my life. Then, I had the opportunity to reinvent myself and to work on the most important relationship in my life: the one with myself. My happiness doesn’t depend on anyone else than me. I am responsible for it. I felt it was time to “ Walking home” and be who I was supposed to be, that I could use my light and my power to inspire others, with care, love and respect that we all deserve. I chose love to make peace with myself. I chose love to be compassionate with myself. I chose love cause it felt finally right in my guts. Was it easy? Sometimes yes, and sometimes not. I had to catch myself when negative thoughts were coming. I hold onto my decision, and found any ways possible to stay to that place of love until it felt so good, and so right. My wish for you is that you can find that place of love within yourself and that you start to shift your perspective on the circumstances of your life. Infusing love in your life will give you many blessings and opportunity to heal faster. It is the only way to take care of yourself and your future. It will impact everyone in your life. That being said, that doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything. That will give you the strength to finally find your boundaries, and to respect yourself. Love will help you find what works for you and what doesn't. Love will help you find what makes you feel good or not. I CHOOSE LOVE, I CHOOSE CONSCIOUS LOVE over, and over again. What do you choose now? Do you have a comment, question or an inquiry? What support might you need? I’d love to help you! I get many notes and emails requests and I do read every single email that comes through. To get in touch, please feel free to email me at info@ericbensoussan.ca Feeling overwhelmed is part of the routine when you divorce. You can go from one emotion to another without having time to process. The roller coaster is “on” most of the time. One of the question that everybody asks me is: How do I control my emotions? This is it, you don’t control your emotions because they have a lot to teach you about how you react. If we were to rephrase the questions it will be: How do I process my emotions? The pain or the hurt comes from the way you react to a situation, not from the situation itself. The way you react to your divorce is more important and significant than your divorce itself. To make it clear, the way you react has nothing to do with your divorce. Your emotional imprints are talking out loud. Your triggers are talking out loud. Your self-limiting beliefs are talking out loud. Your blockages are talking out loud. You only get triggered by the way you have been programmed to react. Mostly based on early childhood and emotional imprints. This might be a new perspective for you at the moment, and I want to invite you to be open to the idea. The good news is, this is the perfect timing to connect to all emotions arising. You can aim to understand more about yourself. In order not to prevent you from living the life you want. Remember, everything that happened in your life, it's an experience. It has nothing to do with who you are. We tend too much to identify ourselves with our experience, or stories. You must be able to learn from your emotions. You must acknowledge them and not hide them. This is another opportunity to get to know you. Ok, Eric, what do we do when you feel sad? When you feel angry? When you feel lonely? First, don’t make it mean anything about yourself. Don't create more stories than you already did in the past. It’s ok for me to be…………..(fill with the emotion) Ex: It’s ok for me to be angry. Breathe and acknowledge the emotion. See in which part of your body it’s connected. The body can store any of your emotions for years if they are not processed. Become an observer of your own emotions, and start a new inner dialog: What is the positive intention behind……..(fill with the emotion) What is it that I have to learn from………(fill with the emotion) Whatever comes to your mind is fine. And if nothing comes, it’s totally fine, you don’t have to answer any questions. The more important is to start the inner dialog that will shift the way you think. It’s the repetition of the dialog on a daily basis that will bring answers on its own timing. The breathing is also one of the most powerful tools. You can use it at any time of the day and especially when you get triggered. Breathe deeply and slowly. Inhale through your nose filling your body and belly, exhale through the mouth. You can imagine filling your body with positive inspiration. You can imagine releasing in the exhale what does not serve you. If you allow a space for your emotions to be present and to be felt with no resistance, most of the inner work is complete. You process the emotions and then release them. Then you can focus on the next crucial question: What it is that I rather want to experience now? Keep breathing. The more you connect to your emotions, the more you connect with how you rather want to feel. The more you will be able to shift your energy in a place of possibilities. The more you feel comfortable with the way you feel, the more you can make some new agreement with yourself. You are now able to transcend some limiting beliefs, and old habits. As I love to say, it's a practice that you can start now. Start to accept the way you feel as a catalyst, as a teacher, as a way to go through your life's experiences. Don’t let your emotions define who you are. There is no need to identify yourself with the emotions. Processing your emotions is a great starting point to heal. Do you have a comment, question or an inquiry? What support might you need? I’d love to help you! I get many notes and emails requests and I do read every single email that comes through. To get in touch, please feel free to email me at info@ericbensoussan.ca Practice self care and Feel good.
What I am going to share with you is very simple. It helped me a lot. In my recovery process after my last divorce, I decided to focus myself on a daily basis on what would make me feel good. I had to redefine what is it that makes me feel alive, that makes me feel good, excited for. Once I had an idea, I would just dive into it. I would make sure that I will do it everyday no matter free time I had. Listening to music, watching a good movie, read a book of my favourite author, watching humoristic videos on youtube, going to Yoga, being in nature, planning a trip….It was a way of focusing my attention on something positive. The more you feel good, the more you want more good. The more you shift your vibration energy, and the more you connect with a part of yourself that has a tendency to hide when we face challenges. No matter how sad, or angry, or hurt, I would make sure to practice ‘THE FEEL GOOD FEELING’ on a daily basis, even if I didn't feel like it. I knew it would shift my energy. I would also make sure that I would have some ‘Me Time”. Sometimes doing nothing, sometimes reflecting, sometimes just appreciating what was good in my life. When you practice the sense of FEEL GOOD FEELING, you start being to feel amazing. I would focus first on what would make me feel good, and will choose my social life based on that feeling. I would make myself a priority, more than being selfish. The question “ Would that make me feel good? “ was always there whenever I had to take a decision, or take actions. This practice combine to being in a place of love, will give you a great sense of self care, self compassion. This will relieve weight on your shoulders. You create a new safe space that would give you comfort and more confidence. This space will open up more possibilities in your life. You become more connected with being grateful. Focusing on what is good in your life, rather than what is missing. I made that quote mine:Tony Robbins “ Trade your expectations, for appreciation”. I would literally drop any expectations of any sort, and shift my mind on appreciation. I would breathe every morning on what I was grateful for. When you practice gratitude, you are in a place of love, and you shift your mindset to beauty, and infinite possibilities. I invite to reflect on what makes you feel good? And how can you incorporate it on your daily life, first as a practice, and then as something natural and necessary to take care of yourself. Do you have a comment, question or an inquiry? What support might you need? I’d love to help you! I get many notes and emails requests and I do read every single email that comes through. To get in touch, please feel free to email me at info@ericbensoussan.ca |
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