As much as it deeply hurts us to do this, we often can’t help thinking somehow that there is something wrong with us, and that must be the reason for everything we experience in our life. Often an endless cycle of thoughts begins:
“What did I do wrong?”, “Why did I fail again?”, “How this is happening?”, and “Why couldn’t I do anything this time to make it better?”.
We feel like a failure to ourselves; ashamed, angry, and guilty. We dream that there is a way of making this thing go away and somehow start to feel better. If only we could fix this.
Indeed, this is normally the default place for our thoughts to go in the circumstance of our life.
As a way of thinking, we focus on our circumstances and therefore, guess what? We make it mean something about ourselves. It failed, therefore I am a failure.
Some examples of the voice you can hear running the show in the background of your mind are frequently: I am weak, I am not loveable, I don’t deserve to be happy, I am a failure, nobody can possibly care about me and my flaws, I am a terrible person, I am rejected.
The list could be infinite, but I’m certain most of you can relate easily.
Now I am telling you something very important, so do pay attention here, even if you are not yet a firm believer: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
Here is the truth: You did your best and so did everyone involved (even if it’s hard now for you to imagine). We are human beings, and we make mistakes. We learn from our mistakes, and we make more mistakes. And if we don’t get to the point where we understand why we did what we did, we end up creating the same situations over and over again without being even conscious.
We get caught in our mind with our thoughts, patterns, and habits and we identify ourselves with them. We become who we supposed we think we are, who we think we can’t be, who we think deserve to suffer.
All of that inner thinking we have is based on our circumstances. It fact we identify ourselves with the pain we feel because the human being is addicted to suffering. Isn’t it that awful?
Our circumstances run the show most of the time unless we change something.
If we start to change our perspective and take every mistake as an opportunity or a blessing to learn, grow and to get closer to ourselves, things seem to shift and we begin to feel lighter. I am proof of this very concept!
There is nothing wrong with you, or me, or us, or them. We are always doing our best.
So whatever happened in your relationship, the most important step is to drop the story about what you make it mean. And by ‘story’ I mean that inner dialogue; the judgments and meanings that you have formed to justify everything about how you are right.
Begin to seek this shift out right now. Because there is no such meaning about you being a bad person or any other story you are telling yourself. This is just what it is.
Beating yourself up will just entertain the idea of failure. Your circumstances are just your circumstances, and nothing else. Don’t make it mean anything.
In my own experience, finally accepting that there was nothing wrong with me gave me instant relief. I didn’t need to be fixed in any way, I only needed to accept my experience as it was, and get something out of it. I had to remind myself of this concept from time to time, but finally gave me the courage to begin to feel better.
If you can begin to melt a bit and begin to warm to this possibility, then you have already won a huge battle with your wounded Self, and have made a huge step in reclaiming back some of your sense of worth.
All you must do is start having a compassionate conversation with yourself. I would encourage you to start right now with this statement that begins to loosen our hold on the judgments, and start to lean towards the powerful and transformative power of compassion and love:
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.
I AM ALWAYS DOING MY BEST.
I AM LOVEABLE AND WORTHY OF LOVE
Close your eyes for few seconds, and repeat those words out loud or mentally, until you start to feel better. You may have to do it again and over again. Remind yourself this statement every day, until it becomes part of your belief system, part of who you become.
Don’t have any expectations on how it’s supposed to help you. Just trust the process.
You may be surprised to find that currently, you are in a state of feeling resistant or frozen to even allowing these words to take effect and to soften you, but have trust these are the words you are to choose to listen to from this day forward.
They have a power. You may design your own powerful words and statement to get closer to the idea, that there is truly nothing wrong with you.
The power also comes in the repetition and the commitment you can make towards doing this simple practice every day over the next week, the next month and ideally the months following that. Remind yourself every day, as a ritual in the morning, or at night until it becomes part of your belief system, part of who you are.
I would highly recommend writing this statement on a piece of paper and put it where you can see it every day. If you find yourself other more personal or fitting powerful words or statement, I‘d love to hear them and to incorporate them if my next update’s article.
Here are some examples some of my clients have shared:
- I am perfect as I am and create the life I want.
- I am whole and complete and free of any of my circumstances.
- I am not my circumstances, and I am beyond powerful.
- I am kind and open to the possibility to break free of my circumstances.- I am the love that I am and therefore use love to rise above from my circumstances.
- I am worthy of love and change my thoughts accordingly.
- I am loveable and have power over my life.
- I am free of any judgments.
Take notes here and create your own statement based on feeling good and empowered by reading it out loud.
Do you have a comment, question or an inquiry?
What support might you need?
I’d love to help you!
I get many notes and emails requests and I do read every single email that comes through.
To get in touch, please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Transformational Relationship & Divorce Coaching.