Behind every divorce, there is a story, a story you created. What do you make your divorce mean about yourself? Is it a true story or a biased one?
We create stories that will justify everything about why it didn't work. And then most of us start to roll across the broad spectrum of emotions.
Here are some examples of stories we made up:
The list can be long, and I am sure, you can either relate or add your story to this list.
Now I want to give you a new perspective. The story you created, and the meaning you added to your divorce, has nothing to do with the situation. Let’s explore more. Nobody enters into a marriage, thinking that one day it will end. It's supposed to last.
Relationship is a "skill" that we can master. Yet, we've been raised thinking that relationships should come naturally. And there is nothing to do about it.
We believe that love is enough to make it work. When relationships get difficult, we can’t figure out why. Part of it has to do with our unconscious beliefs around marriage and love. What we think is possible or not. We believe that love itself is enough to make it work.
The minute our partner does not meet our needs, we start to feel that something is lacking. We don't understand that no one can be responsible for our needs, and happiness. We are under the spell that our partner is here to make us happy.
When everything falls apart, we take it personally and make it mean something about ourselves. We start to blame our partner, and ourselves. We feel we have no control of the situation and we can't fix it.
Everything you think happened, was already there anchored in your beliefs system, created by your thoughts and emotional imprints from childhood. Your marriage was only a playground for your stories and triggers. You were under a spell on how everything should be, based on your subconscious stories from the past.
The reality is what was missing in your marriage, was already missing within yourself. You may not see it that way for now, and I don't blame you for it. Though this new perspective can help you to change your inner dialog.
You can create a better story that will help you taking responsibility for your life. You can choose how you want to feel about it. You can create a new story that empowers you. Change the way you think, and deepen the love and the relationship you have with yourself.
If you want to make things better, you have no other choice but to drop your stories. Face the reality of what is.
The way you experienced your life is just an experience, and this is not who you are. There is no need to identify yourself with your circumstances.
Everything uncovered is what needs be addressed within yourself to grow, and evolve.
It’s a necessary discovery self-work if you are looking to improve your future relationships.
You can change your old story into an opportunity. And reinvent yourself from a place of self-care and self-responsibility for your happiness. This is the beginning of you, reclaiming your personal power, strength, and confidence.
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What support might you need?
I’d love to help you!
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Transformational Relationship & Divorce Coaching.