HOW DO YOU CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS? Written by Eric Bensoussan, Transformational & Divorce Coach

Feeling overwhelmed is part of the routine when you divorce. You can go from one emotion to another without having time to process. The roller coaster is “on” most of the time.
One of the question that everybody asks me is: How do I control my emotions? 

This is it, you don’t control your emotions because they have a lot to teach you about how you react. If we were to rephrase the questions it will be:
How do I process my emotions?

The pain or the hurt comes from the way you react to a situation, not from the situation itself. The way you react to your divorce is more important and significant than your divorce itself.
To make it clear, the way you react has nothing to do with your divorce. Your emotional imprints are talking out loud. Your triggers are talking out loud. Your self-limiting beliefs are talking out loud. Your blockages are talking out loud. 

You only get triggered by the way you have been programmed to react.
Mostly based on early childhood and emotional imprints. 

This might be a new perspective for you at the moment, and I want to invite you to be open to the idea. 

The good news is, this is the perfect timing to connect to all emotions arising. You can aim to understand more about yourself. In order not to prevent you from living the life you want.
Remember, everything that happened in your life, it's an experience. It has nothing to do with who you are. 
We tend too much to identify ourselves with our experience, or stories.

You must be able to learn from your emotions. You must acknowledge them and not hide them. This is another opportunity to get to know you.

Ok, Eric, what do we do when you feel sad? When you feel angry? When you feel lonely?

First, don’t make it mean anything about yourself. Don't create more stories than you already did in the past.
It’s ok for me to be…………..(fill with the emotion)
Ex: It’s ok for me to be angry.

Breathe and acknowledge the emotion. See in which part of your body it’s connected. The body can store any of your emotions for years if they are not processed.

Become an observer of your own emotions, and start a new inner dialog:
What is the positive intention behind……..(fill with the emotion)
What is it that I have to learn from………(fill with the emotion)

Whatever comes to your mind is fine. And if nothing comes, it’s totally fine, you don’t have to answer any questions. The more important is to start the inner dialog that will shift the way you think. It’s the repetition of the dialog on a daily basis that will bring answers on its own timing.

The breathing is also one of the most powerful tools. You can use it at any time of the day and especially when you get triggered.
Breathe deeply and slowly. 
Inhale through your nose filling your body and belly, exhale through the mouth.
You can imagine filling your body with positive inspiration.
You can imagine releasing in the exhale what does not serve you.

If you allow a space for your emotions to be present and to be felt with no resistance, most of the inner work is complete. You process the emotions and then release them.

Then you can focus on the next crucial question:
What it is that I rather want to experience now?

Keep breathing. 

The more you connect to your emotions,  the more you connect with how you rather want to feel. The more you will be able to shift your energy in a place of possibilities.

The more you feel comfortable with the way you feel, the more you can make some new agreement with yourself.  You are now able to transcend some limiting beliefs, and old habits.

As I love to say, it's a practice that you can start now. Start to accept the way you feel as a catalyst, as a teacher, as a way to go through your life's experiences.

Don’t let your emotions define who you are.
There is no need to identify yourself with the emotions.

Processing your emotions is a great starting point to heal.