Divorce: DENIAL or ACCEPTANCE? Surrender to the experience of your life. written by Eric Bensoussan, Transformational Relationship & Divorce Coach
The first emotional stage of a divorce or a break up after the shock, is often the denial. We don't want to believe that the impossible has become possible. We often feel a sense of failure and shame, that will bring sadness and suffering.
When everything in life falls apart , we have a great tendency to resist. We don't want to admit that we can't control anything that's happening in our life. We'd like to think that we can stop the bleeding and the pain through sheer resistance and denial. The reality is however: the more you resist the circumstances of your life and what's happening, the more you have no control. You will always attract what you are resisting to. You create a counter-productive energy that keeps coming back to you. It's painful, it hurts, and we experience difficult emotions such as shame, guilt, anger, resentment and more.
We begin to create thoughts that will contribute to the resistance, starting by blaming ourselves, and leading very quickly to blaming others.
What good does it give us? Nothing. It still hurts. Somehow you feed the beast that you want get rid of.
We all know that as a human being, suffering is part of our life. As much as we want to be positive and consistently experience happiness, life has a way of throwing us some challenges.
What if you start now to accept the process? What if instead of resisting, and being triggered towards anger, blame and frustration, you start to accept how you experience your life.
The first step would be to just tell yourself: This is just the way I experience my life for now, and the experience is not who I am. I don't have to like the experience, I just have to go through it the best way possible. What can I learn from this experience that I don't already know?
The second step is to accept that everything that is happening in your life, is supposed to be that way. What if you could have faith in life and start to believe that this is a transition time that will lead you wherever you are supposed to be. You will soon start to feel relief, and the experience somehow becomes less painful. Accepting your experience of life, is the beginning of healing and walking the path that brings you closer to your higher self.
The experience doesn't define your identity, or who you are. The experience brings you closer to who you really are. Challenges bring transformation, and transformation brings you confidence in what you would never thought to be possible. All you have to do is to let go, and surrender to whatever the experience is. You observe the discomfort, and the pain, without the need of making it mean something about you. There is no meaning other than the experience itself. Who you become through the experience is what matters. Each experience will heal somehow what you need to heal. There is a big opportunity to peel the layers of your personality to get closer to your joy.
I believe acceptance brings us more self-love and compassion. Acceptance is the only way to work on the most important relationship in our lives, the relationship with ourselves.
Practice acceptance every day of your life, and practice again, and again, until it feels right for you, and becomes a habit.
"The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance" Nathaniel Branden.
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Transformational Relationship & Divorce Coaching.
My life's experiences are the best teacher I have ever had. The most challenging times in my life were also the blessings, and treasures that I had to discover about myself. Everything in life is about relationships. relationships start with ourself.